In other words, just as you say, movements have to grow organically, they can’t be rushed.

I kinda get the impression that there’s a conflict within you between wanting to be a hero right away and knowing that it simply doesn’t work that way. Is that fair to say?

I felt something similar for a long time as a meditator. I dunno if this is going to be at all similar to what you’re feeling, but…

Every time I’d sit down on the cushion, my mind would quickly fill with ideas of how I would one day explain to others how to do meditation, how meditation works – all the amazing mindbogglingly awesome insights I was having. It was really distracting, and obstructed me from making any real progress in meditation. I felt very uneasy, because it seemed to suggest I had some kind of delusions of grandeur, or at least a fair bit of arrogance. I tried to put these thoughts out of my mind, but it only seemed to make them stronger. Thinking negatively about the thoughts actually gave them energy. There was a real conflict going on between the side of me that wanted to become an awesome meditation instructor right away, and the side that knew that it was gonna take a real long time for that to happen.

Eventually, I learned to befriend the thoughts by just watching them mindfully, making them the object of meditation. I thought of them as a persona within me called “Teacher”, and whenever the thoughts would pop up, I would recognize it with a simple “aha, there’s Teacher.” That helped me put a healthy distance between myself and the phenomenon, stop identifying with it, and stop getting down on myself for having the thoughts constantly. Now they hardly arise anymore.

As it so happens, I did end up becoming a teacher! – a teacher of English as a Second Language, though, not a meditation teacher. Who knows if some other kind of spiritual teaching is in my future? But suffice to say that recognizing and befriending the Teacher complex within me helped allow it to grow organically, rather than trying to rush it. And most of all, it helped me stop feeling uneasy about having Teacher within me, resolving the inner conflict.

So, as I said before, that might not have the slightest relationship to what you’re feeling. But I thought I’d share it anyway. :-)

That said, your words are touching to me. You’re right, of course: it’s already started in a way. It brings me true joy that you find my book so useful. Thank you.

I used to work for a corporate motivational speaker, and he certainly helped a lot of people, but I always felt like the essence of his message was that success equaled more money, bigger house, fancy cars etc. He got rich by telling others how to get rich and appealing to those kind of desires. And the goal of self-development was that kind of success and those who didn’t go after it were failures or lazy.

Some people probably do find some kind of happiness with that kind of ego-boost, but it is conditional and therefore can be taken away or you end up always needing more (his girlfriend told us she wanted a private jet! He was rich, but not that rich! She is a super sweet and kind person though).

But there are plenty of unhappy selfless people, too! Perhaps the focus on “happiness” is the issue. I don’t know, everybody is different. I think to, some times, that what people are striving for is not want they truely want (not based on self-reflection) but based on what society deems worthy and often that is based on being a bigger consumer (obviously I am not a captialist!).

If your self-development is based on carving out the kind of life you truely want and is in line with your values, I think that is wonderful–not everyone has the courage to do that. Personally, I tend to be of the selfless type without thinking about what I want, so I am trying to find my balance between the two. I don’t exist just to make someone else’s life easier. My friend pointed out to me that by thinking that someone couldn’t “survive” without me is actually my ego talking. And she is right. My plants might die though:(

This is much longer than I intended! I hope that made sense and answered your question.

I think the real difference between a rogue and a hero is that the hero stands for something. A rogue is like a ronin samurai,. A ronin has no master and thus stands for nothing but himself. It may be romantic but it is actually a position of shame. If a ronin is accepted by a new master, he has a purpose again.

In the same way, a hero represents something bigger than herself. In this way, the travel involved in the Heroic Life is more like training than anything else. Eventually, the aspirant should either settle down, or join a cause, or otherwise commit to something.

If that bears true, it means that by the time my Great Adventure is over, I should no longer be the Rogue Priest–!

Yet not all of them become famous, or even infamous… all I know is you may not consider me one of your teachers from the past, but I want you to consider me an equal. This witch is your friend, Drew. I look forward to tracking your progress on this blog of yours — don’t forget about me, please, because I’m always cheering you on, especially when you think you’re all alone!