Unfortunate Search Strings

And now for something much more serious. More serious, yes, than comparative levels of penetration of progressive values in marginalized philosophies. Whew.

Today it’s time to answer questions from Google!

Yay!

Every day scores of people find their way to Rogue Priest with unfortunate search strings. I’m sure some of them eventually get their answers elsewhere, like all the World of Warcraft players looking for strategy advice (sorry!). But I feel a little guilty that Google dropped them here and they didn’t get what they needed.

So, in a lower-effort version of answering viewer mail, I’m answering viewer search strings. If you’re one of the poor souls who searched for these, (a) welcome to the site (b) glad you stuck around and (c) here are your answers at long last.

rogue preist+drew jacobs

It’s Jacob, singular, like the prophet.

Also your syntax is wrong. Also, everything else.

ex girlfriend is horrible to me

Are you still sleeping with her? If so, stop. Horribleness will probably decline when you make a clean break. If you’re not sleeping together, start. Clearly she wants you.

how to sell world domination summit ticket

You can’t. The deadline is past. Sad.

priest are arrogant

Not all priest!

thailand business attire

Reggae-themed clothing is a hit in any setting there. You think I’m kidding, but you’ll see.

i ensure the night

Most excellent search string so far. This is actually really poetic. Or it seemed like it at first. But if you think about it, the night is going to come every evening no matter what—there’s really nothing short of Ragnarok that can change that. So this is kind of like ensuring teenagers will be horny. Can you monetize it?

how can i break my ankle myself?

Get off my blog.

not good enough, copying people, feeling like a burden, unsatisfied, ugly 

Wow.

This one worried me at first. Somebody feels that low? Then I realized the person searching for this isn’t thinking of themselves. They’re listing symptoms they see in someone else and trying to figure out what mental issue it is. So someone does feel that low, but they aren’t coming directly to me for help.

Tell your friend to get a waitress pad.

pagan vs catholic

The Catholics won.

genocide hypothesis causes

foot stress fractures caused by vibram 5 fingers

I’m sorry.

we need more heroes guys

YEAH!

how weight acceptance is making us overweight

It isn’t. It’s helping people address a solvable health problem (shame and stress), while educating them about the true effects of dieting (usually weight gain). I used the think the same thing though. I recommend this blog if you care.

“fat acceptance” portions

Interesting hypothesis.

can you pull an all nighter to fix jet lag

Works every time.

can i reduce my shoe size by building up my arches?

Signs point to yes.

sitting in a chair while you sleep

…is awesome.

can someone be a hero and not help others

I’m tempted to say no. I’m curious what Rogue Priest readers think though. Assuming “others” can be abstract things like helping the environment, I can’t imagine heroic action that doesn’t help others. Otherwise what would it be? A mental exercise? Being a hero for accepting who you are?

Any thoughts?

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