I was asked to write a piece for Good Men Project about how my spirituality informs my masculinity. I gladly accepted.
One minor issue: gender roles bad.
So what the heck came out of the blender, and why did they decide to run it? Check it out for yourself:
We Need Heroes, Not Men
Agree/Dis?
Is it possible to “create” a heroic encounter?
Variants on this question come up a lot. To me it represents a fundamental misunderstanding of the Heroic Life philosophy. The answer is generally no, but more importantly the answer is you don’t need to and you shouldn’t want to.
You don’t need to because there are already so, so many moments in life when someone needs to stand up or speak out. And chances are you won’t take action in the moment. Most of us have more opportunities to be heroic than we ever respond to, so why try to create more?
You shouldn’t want to because that means questionable motivations. Acting heroically means taking unnecessary risk. If you seek to create more opportunities to do this, it implies self-destructive behavior. When I was 20 and took Chinese sword lessons, I’d always picture running into a mugger and defeating him with my wooden sword. But I never went out looking for muggers.
Heroism is emergent: a quality you can embody more and more with practice, but never quite reach. Pursuing it is more like pursuing enlightenment than going after a promotion.
As such, the project is not chasing chances to act a hero. The project is to develop the heart that’s ready to overcome fear. The easiest way to learn this is to go on a journey.
A journey will not give you a heroic encounter, but it may give you a heroic mindset.
Through May 3, 2012 I’m running a contest to give away a seat at the World Domination Summit. Enter now.
Yesterday Dr. Zeno Franco commented on my entry Who Calls Themselves a Hero?
This is one of those rare responses that’s based both on a history of our personal conversations, as well as a trained knowledge of the literature and data on heroism.
For anyone who wonders if they have what it takes to be heroic, it’s worth reading:
I have met and there are historical examples of plenty of people who were arrogant, overly self-assured, even narcissistic who went on to become heroes, perhaps precisely because that self assurance was what they need to push them to act in situations that required a heroic response where others did not. At the same time, there are meek, mild-mannered, shy people who would never claim to be trying to live a heroic life, but when pushed have the resolve that they need to respond heroically as well. The point that Dr. Philip Zimbardo and I have been trying to put across in a series of papers is that we doubt that there is a single personality type that defines heroism. Beyond that, saying one is or is not a hero, or saying you are trying to live based on heroic principles probably has very little to do with whether or not you are able to actually act heroically in a given situation. The only proof, as they say, is in the pudding—if you were called to act, did you?
…Part of my fundamental point to people is that there is a misunderstanding that heroism is something outside of normal, everyday life and experience. Most of us are called to act heroically quite frequently, but to see it, you have to attend to the fine details of life as you live it. When you see someone slighting someone else, do you just let it go? Or do you say something? Are you willing to risk an important friendship with a powerful person to point out that what they are doing is unethical? That is heroism that involves social sacrifice. Most of us will be in these types of situations frequently, perhaps even daily, but we are often so busy looking for the “big” act of heroism that we forget these simple versions. I think the risk for anyone who thinks about heroism much is to get caught up in a hero fantasy that is probably a lot more interesting than the heroic reality, which is often ethically complex, stressful, and lonely.
(Link added.)
Zeno also stated that, “My caution to you really had more to do with trying to ‘create’ a heroic encounter,” a caution that is well-taken and fortunately does not describe what the Heroic Life aims to do.
The Heroic Life is, at its root, about living a life that echoes that of the heroes of myth: a life of travel and seeking out challenge. No one can ever guarantee they’ll have the chance to act heroically, but they can make a point of challenging themselves and testing their limits continuously.
That merits a post of its own but, for now, I think Zeno’s points deserve to be showcased. The above just just an excerpt; you can read the whole comment here.
I was warned.
For over a year, well-meaning friends have sometimes told me to “watch out” because people will get really upset if I talk about wanting to live heroically. Their concern was that the idea of pursuing a heroic life can easily sound like saying that I, Drew Jacob, am a hero. And that’s jerkish.
This concern has been echoed from several quarters. When I spoke with Dr. Zeno Franco about my work, he was very encouraging except that he was afraid I’d come off that way. He studies the psychology behind heroism for a living, and he’s very cautious about this in his own work. He hesitates to use personal examples of heroism that he’s witnessed or times when he’s had to overcome the bystander effect in his own life. To me this is a shame because we all face the fear of not wanting to be the first person to step up. A personal story can humanize that fear and help us prepare to face it down ourselves.
At the same time, Zeno had a point and so do the others. If someone conceives of themselves as a hero there’s a problem. Actually there are two. First of all they seem arrogant and decidedly unheroic. Secondly on a factual level they’re not behaving in line with the mindset of a hero. Heroes always denounce their own actions afterward as “just what anybody would do.” They always downplay it. It’s necessary internally to help them return to the herd after they so stunningly stood out. If someone doesn’t want that there’s something questionable about their ability to empathize with other humans.
Theory aside, on a personal level I just don’t want to call myself a hero because I know it would be untrue. I’ve never done anything worthy of that term. I just want to live a life following the example of the heroes.
So I took these warnings seriously, but at the same time, either you talk about heroism or you don’t. I made a decision to talk about heroism. And I don’t think that conversation is nearly as inspiring unless people talk about their personal experiences. I plodded on talking the dangerous talk and waiting for people to throw onions and beer bottles at me.
Let’s look at the numbers.
Rogue Priest often has 200 visitors a day. Depending on the topic it can be over a thousand, and for more than a year now it’s seldom been less than 100. According to my traffic stats, many of those are new visitors at any given time.
This is in addition to social media shares, the guest posts I do elsewhere, my Heroic Life column, and the many random mentions that I get on other sites, sometimes with totally different types of audiences.
There are a lot of chances for misunderstanding.
So out of all those thousands of people, how many thought I was calling myself a hero? Grand total: 3.
Notably, one was hostile to me personally and came here to criticize my writing without reading it. So that’s actually just two people who had a bona fide reaction against the philosophy.
To me that seems like a pretty low number of misunderstandings, and a good rate of success in communicating my ideas. I’d love to chalk it up as proof that you can talk about heroism on a personal level without sounding assy. But I also have a blind spot. Those three (two) people are just the ones I know about. How many other people might have come to the site, felt turned off, and left without ever saying anything?
I’ll never know, but I’d like to collect opinions. When you first came to this site, did you think I was calling myself a hero? If you shared one of my posts, did others read it that way? Tell me how I come across. I’m a big boy, I can take it. Probably.
It’s been a while since we out-and-out talked about heroism.
Are soldiers heroes?
Before you give your opinion, I would strongly recommend checking out this nuanced, two-sided article from activist and scholar Ari Kohen.
Not every soldier meets my definition of a hero. But I have to admit there is bravery inherent in signing up during time of war. Bravery or, perhaps, an inkling of the hunger for adventure—one of the greatest practices for developing heroism.
Read it? Fire off your opinion loud and clear. I’m curious.
Last week week I was interviewed about the Heroic Life and my plan for the Great Adventure. It isn’t the first time, but this one was particularly exciting for two reasons. First off it was my first ever podcast appearance with full video. So you can see my smiling face! And second, this interview was for The Hero Report, a weekly podcast specifically dedicated to discussing issues of heroism and how to act heroically in today’s world.
It was a lot of fun. The show is co-hosted by two men with pretty serious credentials. Ari Kohen is a professor of political science who specializes in human rights and restorative justice. His long-term research focuses on the role heroism plays in justice.
Matt Langdon is the founder and mentor behind the Hero Construction Company, a company that teaches children how to actually be heroes. That is too rad to describe.
So how do my hands-on, in the dirt, live action views of the Heroic Life collide with these two brilliant minds? Well, you’ll have to check it out to find out.
(Okay, I made up the title, but could you have passed it up?)
You can see past episodes of the Hero Report here. Please tweet or share this post and give these guys some love.
Drew Jacob, Rogue Priest
