The Harsh Reality of Becoming a Warrior, Part II

This of the story of my training in Jujutsu at Futen Dojo. Part I is here.

The reason for this story is not the importance of martial arts themselves, but of what Sensei told me when he first heard about my adventure.

I should put this in context. When you announce an adventure like mine, you get a lot of criticism. Dump trucks of the stuff. You’ve got people who are scared for you, and will say anything to get you to stay. You’ve got people who have lived a little and want to assess how serious you are. And then there are people who just think the whole idea is stupid.

In the face of that kind of criticism, you learn pretty quickly to just ignore it.

So I weather objections on the grounds of safety, language, health, culture, terrain, income and occupation. Almost daily, I shrug off remixes of the same cautionary tales I heard the week before. Sorry, but if you’ve given me a passionate reason why I shouldn’t go, it probably went in my mental spam filter.

But never Sensei. He gets a free pass to my complete attention (so do my parents).

You could say it’s the years of training. I’m required to treat him with respect, so I’d listen closely to his opinion on any topic. But it’s more than that.

As my teacher, Sensei is uniquely placed to gauge exactly how ready I am. He knows my reaction time. My attitude. My energy. My spiritual state. How I handle fear and surprise. His feelings about this goal of mine are of great interest to me.

So, three weeks ago, stretching on the mat for the first time in too long, we talked. He asked where I’m going after my stint in Milwaukee, and I told him.

“Sensei, I’m walking to Brazil. From Minnesota.”

He nodded his head.

I waited to hear what he would say.

His answer:

“It would be good if you lived through it.”

Photo Credit: "Hanami or Flower Viewing" by Jesslee Cuizon

Life is Itself Beautiful

Life is an easy thing to lose. Martial artists know that too well. We train to learn the many fragile points on the body. We discover how hard it is to protect them, and how easily an outside force can reach them.

Life is an easy thing to lose, but the cost is high. Because life is also beautiful. The experience of being conscious is the first and greatest gift anyone gives us.

What Sensei said to me carried great meaning. His words held no judgement, in the truest sense of that phrase: no evaluation that my trip is bad or good. Like anyone else who cares about me, he might rather I not risk my life. But unlike others, he knows it is useless to tell me not to go. So he didn’t even start that conversation.

Instead, he cut to the quick of it. It would be good if you lived. 

These words carry the heavy implication you might die, and the hopeful assertion it is possible to survive. But do I have the skills to avoid the former, and ensure the latter? There’s no point in asking. The only way to answer that question is on the mat.

A New Humility

Last week I finished another training session, sweaty and blissfully sore like always. I thanked Sensei for the lesson.

“You did well today,” he said.

It was hard to hear. Praise is rare in the dojo, but when given it’s always sincere. I knew Sensei was right. I had practiced hard between classes and did everything he said. Compared to my usual performance, I did great.

But that was what stung so badly. However good I might be by the Drew Jacob standard, I was not very good by the Handling Myself Against Murderers standard. Being better than I was in college doesn’t mean much if I’m not good enough to save my life.

With the past few weeks of training under my belt, I’m aware of a painful fact: Three months of hard training may not get me to where I need to be. 

This leaves me wondering:

  • Can I add more training before my trip? When? How?
  • Are my other pastimes worth it? Should I give up longsword and focus on the most effective art I know, Jujutsu?
  • Should I pivot? What other skills will help save my life – social skills? A spiritual demeanor?

This weighs on me. What would you do, my friends? Blog posts always end with a call for comments, but this is a very serious question for me. If you can imagine yourself in my shoes, how else would you prepare? What more would you do?


25 thoughts on “The Harsh Reality of Becoming a Warrior, Part II

  1. Joel says:

    No art exisits in a vacuum, Having a lot of tools available during your travels is good. You will never know which one thing is the right thing to bring, but having options on how to react is always good.

  2. Soliwo says:

    For some the obvious answer might be giving up longsword, at least for a while, since you won’t be carrying one on your travels anyway (I guess). However perhaps this is not the complete answer. Fighting for your life means using everything in your possession and ability. Will you be carrying a walking stick perhaps? That could be a helpful aid in your self-defence. Fighting for your life isn’t about being completely competent in one tradition. Don’t get me wrong. I do think that is a very admirable goal and helps your focus and discipline It is probably wise to focus just on Jujitsu and leaving the longsword in the cupboard for a while. But … when you are really fighting for your life, it’s all about using everything you’ve got.

    So, on to the second point.Speaking Spanish (Portuguese is of less significance I think, most Portuguese will understand some Spanish than the other way round) will probably be even more of a help than fighting skills in whatever tradition. Talking yourself out of danger is I think always preferable. I haven’t read very much about learning language skills. Social skills won’t help very much if people do not know what you are saying. I would focus on language first and foremost. Fighting an important second.

  3. Beth says:

    I always preface everything I say about this with “I am not a disinterested third party.” So with that caveat in mind…you know what my most recent thought on this was? I thought of this when I saw the facebook post you put up yesterday about how going with your gut is often more effective than thinking it through with big decisions (www.spring.org.uk/2011/09/quick-decisions-go-with-your-gut.php).

    Granted, the article says that given more time to analyze the situation, you’re better off thinking it through. But as someone who often gets stuck in her head and ignores her heart, I’ve struggled to learn to balance the two in the last few years…and my conclusion has been that I’m best off when I use both. My brain is great for coming up with alternatives, but sometimes I need that initial gut-check to tell me when there’s a problem, and sometimes even to give me the answer to part of it. If my brain offers a solution, my gut can usually assess whether it’s effective. I have no idea what I would do in your situation, and just because it’s what I would do doesn’t mean it would be the right thing for you. But I know I’d be thinking about it all the time…and also doing some pretty heavy meditation-style work on it. In my experience, that’s the only way to really find out what your fears truly are, why they are there, and which ones you should honor instead of ignoring.

  4. Drew,

    My month as a Sikh so far has taught me one thing about being a “saint-solider”, and that is to truly walk tall and carry a big stick. Confidence, the calm intensity in one’s stature, says a lot before you speak and demonstrates much before you act. If you have absolute faith in what you are doing, so much so that it is as real and requisite as breathing, you will glow, and those who normally smell fear will suddenly stink of it.

    Fare well, my friend.

  5. Necessity and experience has made me a pragmatist, so I’ll just tell you what my dad told me when he taught me self-defense. It’s by far the best advice I’ve ever gotten on that subject.

    In essence, he told me that my body is always with me and ready to be used as a weapon if need be – even if I lose all my others, or can’t find anything to fight with. For that reason, he taught me to use my body first, and weapons second. He told me never to assume that “something will be around that I can use”. He said that being a walking weapon all on your own gives you a confidence you wouldn’t otherwise have, and that alone can prevent many attacks. Hope this helps.

  6. I think another question you have to ask yourself is “What are you willing to live through?”

    A friend of mine works for Amnesty International and that is a question all field workers have to sort through before they can go out and do the important work they do. They need to squarely face what situations they are willing to endure and what situations they are unwilling to endure.

    I know you are looking at this through the eyes of the warrior, and that means fighting to protect yourself. But there may be times when you can’t fight to protect yourself. Or when fighting would mean that you up your chances of dying.

    I don’t say this to be pessimistic, but mention it to help. Once you answer the question “What are you willing to live through?” you’ll be closer to an answer for the question you are asking about what level you need to get to in fighting skills. You’ll know in your heart and mind what options you have (surrender or fight) for each situation and what training (physical, mental, spiritual) you need.

  7. Drew:

    Wow, you have some wise readers. Excellent advice, above.

    I can’t put myself in your shoes, but at one time, I very nearly went to Brazil to further my training in their indigenous martial art of capoeira, at a time when several Americans had recently been abducted and murdered, so I have some perspective on preparing to enter into potentially dangerous situations in Brazil. (Also, entering a capoeira roda in Brazil as a white North American means, to some degree, taking your life into your hands, as some Brazilians really don’t appreciate non-Brazilians “dabbling” in their game.)

    I agree very much with Soliwo; as best you can, between now and your departure, learn some Spanish, if you don’t already speak it. Even a rudimentary knowledge of grammar and syntax will help. (As to whether Brazilians would easily understand Spanish, I can’t say; I do know that many words that sound the same have different meanings in Portuguese. Of course, since the countries around Brazil speak Spanish, it’s possible that a basic command of that language would be adequate to your needs.) Also, see if you can learn about some of the cultural differences in Meso- and South America – personal space, how eye-contact is used, basic social conventions; it might help you avoid possible misunderstandings and tension that might result in the need to physically defend yourself.

    And while no, you’re not likely to find the opportunity to use a longsword in defense while on your adventure, a walking stick can be used as an effective substitute. Even so – and I myself love swordsmanship – I always have felt that relying on weapon skills should be secondary to relying on the use of your own body and mind. Your longsword skills will remain in your muscle memory, and be available if the need and opportunity arise, so I would, in your situation, focus more on the jujutsu.

    Now, the harder advice: I am not suggesting this as a best, or even better, option; I merely put it out there as a possibility you may not have considered. I know that once you (the generic “you”) have set a path for yourself, it can sometimes be hard or even impossible to see or consider options which call for deviating from that path.

    Consider the possibility that, given your current state of personal preparation, you might want to revise your departure schedule. Would a six-month – or even a year’s – delay make it any less a Great Adventure? Is it less Heroic to ensure that you are better prepared to face the hazards of the journey?

    I know – believe me – that we can’t always foresee what will happen in our lives. Any delay in achieving your goal might lead to the goal never being reached. I understand that, only too well. So, if you choose to continue the adventure on schedule, I certainly understand, and continue to applaud your willingness to leap into the new and uncertain.

    In any case, I look forward to reading about your continuing adventures!

  8. Everyone, I’ll try to find the time to reply to each of your comments individually, but for now I want to say thank you to everyone above (and anyone else who comments) for the amazing and thoughtful advice.

    It is truly helpful to have a community of bright minds to turn to. Thank you.

  9. While I don’t want to appear as airy fairy, my advice is that what you get from a situation is often what you expect from it. You are training hard with the expectation of being attacked or maybe even murdered. I agree you need good self-defence skills, you need them anywhere in the world, but really are they going to save you against professional kidnappers?

    I go along with the commenter who said, learn the language. Learn the culture. That shows a respect for the native people which perhaps many tourists don’t show. Open your heart to all the good things you are travelling towards. Trust in your ability to make connections with people. Trust in yourself to recognise danger and avoid it. And just be sensible – don’t go into the worst neighbourhoods.

    Talk to Americans who live there successfully. You know, the aid workers, the real-life street-level heroes. Place yourself in context.

    To be honest, if I was in your shoes as a pilgrim, I would be looking at what my journey could bring to the world, and so I would be thinking of skills I could learn to benefit the place I was expecting to host me. That and the most effective martial art you know – jujitsu!

  10. Fact is, Drew, nothing can truly and completely prepare an individual for life experiences. You can plan adventure, but what really happens — the meat of the adventure part — that unfolds in ways we cannot always predict. If you have a dream, follow it and see where it takes you. I think your Sensei telling you “it would be good if you lived through it” sounds more like encouragement. Instead of just “walking” to your future destinations, truly LIVE through it. Grasp as many opportunities as you can and just TAKE OFF! Not all of us have the freedom and resources to take such a journey.

    If I were as strong as you, I’d seek more long-distance adventure. Whenever I think about this journey you’ve planned and prepared for, I immediately think how and if I could handle it. I think “What Would Drew Do?” as I take my daily walks through the woods. Your example to me lately has been an inspiration and makes my heart well up and I want to run, jump, and dance!

    You have a lot of passion, friend, but you’ve also had the benefit of good teachers and you have common sense. I’ve never known you to go into anything without a lot of thought — both foresight and hindsight. The journey we took together to Beaver Island showed me that even with health challenges, I was able to become stronger by facing my fears and overcoming the little unforeseen obstacles nature threw at us. There are other adventures you’ve taken since without me and I am overjoyed, maybe just a little jealous, whenever you write about them. The reason why I fully support you on this your latest journey is because you no matter where you go, I know you’ll report back and keep in contact. I “live” your adventures with you as I read your words.

    I know first hand that you are smart and strong, capable of things I can’t do. Some of us can’t do what you do. So move forward and do it! And remind yourself that there are people like me who have disabilities, who can’t help but be restricted as to how far they can go, but then again, we all also have yet to find out how far we are capable of going.

    I don’t want to add pressure on you to succeed no matter what, but your example is motivating me to push forward and defeat my obstacles that keep me from living life to the fullest. After my mother died, I wanted to take off into parts unknown and do all the things she couldn’t because she was a prisoner in her body due to severe symptoms of Parkinson’s Disease. Sure, death is always a possibility, but do you want to die never knowing what could’ve happened, or do you want to lie on your death bed knowing you kicked life’s ass?

    No matter what, I will live knowing you kick ass. And that you did, indeed, help me be the awesome person I am today, too. Thank you! Now don’t doubt yourself anymore or I will bonk you in the head. :-P

  11. Keep up with the Jujitsu; I think it’s your greatest strength. If you feel you need more time in it, take the time. The Gods will still be found where they will along your journey. They wont care how long it takes. Did anyone say to Jason “Hey! You’ve got to get that Fleece back to Greece by the next full moon or else!”? No, I don’t think so.

    As an aside, in Brazil the primary language is Portuguese as it was originally settled by people from Portugal. Spanish is spoken in most of the rest of South America. You may also want to make connections with the Friends of the MST before you arrive. They’re a non-profit that is working to reclaim the fallow land from the rich farmers and mega agribusinesses in the name of the people. You’d find friends there I think.

  12. I say this with all my honesty, as a martial artist and a longsword practitioner with all the years in my pocket.

    Purchase a concealable firearm, and learn how to aim it/handle it/carry it safely and effectively. I recommend a CWP (concealed weapons permit) as well. While your hands will never leave you, guns are the de facto weapon of our age, and they offer a protection that your knuckles cannot. Ignoring the skillset of handling a firearm, especially when you are entering areas where their legality has little to do with their presence, is like cutting off a finger and going to the punching bag. It’s part of the martial world of the 21st century, so I would embrace it.

  13. Soliwo says:

    Well … would a CWP also be recognized outside the USA? I would say a fire arm would cause more trouble including the legal kind. But hey, I am just a weird European in a country were it is illegal to carry fire arms.

  14. I agree with the people saying you’re looking at this in too martial a context. If you go looking for a fight, you’ll find one. Personally, I think the two most dangerous things you’ll be doing have nothing to do with being attacked – you’re far more likely to freeze to death while walking across the Great Plains in January… no further comment on that particular plan necessary… or get parasites or illness along the way. What you ought to be learning is bush medicine – things like how sugar can work as an antibiotic, and what to do when you’re in the middle of nowhere and get malaria. I recommend keeping at least an ebook of “Where there is No Doctor” and other Hesperian press texts (like the fun advanced versions – “Where there is no Dentist” and “Where Women have no Doctors”).

    I would advise strongly against carrying weapons beyond a walking stick – good for keeping dogs away – a Swiss army knife, and perhaps pepper spray. You’re more likely to be stopped by police types than drug dealers, and they can create just as many problems. Having been pulled (literally) of the street and questioned by the FSB about being an American spy, I can tell you all about what it’s like to think you’re maybe about to be disappeared. Cops down south are going to think you’re a drug carrying hippie; don’t give them anything to hold you on.

    Learn Spanish. Learn it well enough to joke with people. Use livemocha.com to get started and then start chatting with immigrants. Be able to talk your way out of situations.

    Practice not being noticed. The “somebody else’s business” field is a brilliant idea. I can tell you some ways I know of doing this if you want to skype, too. Wear local styles and look like you know where you’re going, but in an unobtrusive way. Be *friendly*. Don’t look like anyone’s problem!

    If you really want to focus on saving your life, practice getting away – running like hell, I mean. If that’s not martial enough, get some friends with paintball guns and set up a section of the woods to sneak through; if they tag you they win, if you get from point A to point B past them, you do.

    Your biggest safety risk, as I see it, is that you’re challenging the gods to make themselves apparent to you AND to make you a hero. And you’re not doing this in the territory of gods you know or have any particular connection to, you’re doing it in Aztec lands. I mean, seriously, why aren’t you walking the length of the Danube or something? But anyway. A hero protects other people – if they take you up on this, the problems you invite are not going to be mainly about keeping *yourself* safe. And again, connected with that, it’d be good to have medic skills.

    Mostly, be able to help people, and be friendly, so if problems do come up someone will be willing to stand forward for you.

    In terms of actually helping people, having some knowledge of permaculture design and land management wouldn’t be bad, but that’s another topic.

    So to sum up, learn Spanish. Study field medicine. Go running. Practice being invisible and getting away from things. Don’t go explicitly looking for trouble.

    Most people are pretty nice. The ones that aren’t are usually pretty lazy; try to avoid their notice. All the people I’ve known who have done long distance treks have come back with their faith in humanity generally affirmed; I know the kindness of strangers has saved me any number of times. People aren’t looking to murder you! Act like you expect them to and gods know what will happen.

  15. The road is the training.

    Honestly, martial arts are great, and the more training the better. But you can train your whole life and never master the art. And even after mastering the art, it doesn’t make you invulnerable. There’s no way to predict all the dangers you’ll face, many of which may not be violent.

    Some people recommended concealable weapons. That might be good if you were traveling within a single country. But you’re going to be crossing a lot of borders on this trip, going through metal detectors, being questioned about weapon licenses that may or may not be required in the country, etc. So there are downsides to carrying weapons.

    I’m not saying carrying a handgun wouldn’t be a bad idea. It might be worth it to pick up a concealed weapon after you enter a country intending to drop it before you leave, then get a new one in the next country.

    There’s something to be said for being able to improvise weapons with whatever is at hand. Then there’s rarely a question of legality, and you’re never without a weapon. But at the same time, you just can’t beat the stopping power of a gun.

    You might consider, in addition to other items, one of those heavy, foot-long metal flashlights that police use when they stop you at night and look through your driver’s side window. They’re specifically designed to be flipped around and used as a club in case the driver turns violent. That would be legal in any country, mobile, and not prone to running out of ammo.

    Another “weapon” might be to seek out a legal adviser in each country. Some solid advice about how to handle yourself in dangerous situations so that the law stays on your side might be very useful. Because in some countries that concealed pistol used in self-defense, even if it saves your life, might land you a sweet murder charge if you can’t correctly navigate the legal system, especially in a second language. It would also be good to know what legal leverage you can realistically play against any would-be adversaries, whether the local law has any real power or not, etc.

    Finally, another weapon might be a lesson from the Stoics. They had a technique where they would try to imagine all possible outcomes of an upcoming situation, from the best case scenario to the worst, and mentally make their peace with each beforehand. That way, you can go into a situation with full conviction, imperturbable. They did everything in their power to influence events in the best direction. But as for that which is beyond their control, they made their peace with it and carried on with courage.

  16. DiannaMoon says:

    Everyone’s advice here has been wonderful and I am glad that they are echoing what I am going to say…

    I lived in New York City for a long time. I don’t carry weapons (unless you count my keys) and I know nothing of martial arts. I walked thru the bad parts of town, at night, with confidence even when I didn’t know where I was going. I knew to stay in very public areas when I got lost and talking to shop owners is a great help. When I walked through The Bronx at night (and I am a little white girl BTW) I kept to myself and even the gangs (if they noticed me) left me alone. I used shop windows to see who was following me and took precautions to stay safe (crossing streets, going into the subway, etc.) I looked like I was packing heat and I looked like I wouldn’t be an easy target. I never carried pepper spray but I would recommend a whistle or a loud horn to blow if things seem out of place…and you will know when things are feeling out of place. Have faith that you are not walking into a den of theives everyday but give yourself a moment to feel where you are and what people around you are doing…this will give you a hint as to where you are walking.

    This confident walking worked in Europe, in Los Angeles, in Austin. Always keep your back in mind. Make friends with a ready smile and walk well.

    And blessings to you again

  17. I would concern myself with immersing my mind into understanding the political and cultural circumstances of each place I am passing through, so that I can avoid politically heated areas (physically and socially), and be respectful in the way that the culture expects to avoid conflicts of ignorance.

    Hope you have some peace of mind before you begin traveling as you are always sharper with a clear head, and therefore safer. *Hugs*

  18. Delores says:

    No amount of physical training will guarantee that you will live through an experience. The human body is too vulnerable and there are too many variables in not knowing what you will face.
    You have no guarantees staying in a safe environment will add one second to your life. What’s important is to live the life you are called to. When you are as mentally prepared as you can be, you will know it is time to go. If something is causing you to hesitate, maybe you need more training. But in the end, it’s about living your life and not your fears.

  19. This is all wonderful, thoughtful advice. I agree with those who recommend that your body is perhaps your best weapon, with perhaps added tools of a walking stick and a flashlight. Do they make solar or hand-cranked maglites yet? As much as your mom wants you to carry every possible concealable weapon to protect yourself, I agree that these can become traps and be used against you by legal systems that are not your friends.

    That said, I would add this: Cultivate your self-defense skills, and practice love. Your passionate love for life and for others will shine and protect you. Be as aware of opportunities to love and act in love as you are of dangers. And do not forget that love and caring are dangerous too.

    Life itself is a dance between complete and total openness and the need to protect ourselves.

    I have, on occasion, found myself in potentially dangerous situations, usually on city streets. I distinctly remember a couple of situations where I somehow managed to hold both an attitude of love and openness and a Don’t Fuck With Me attitude, and people reacted as if there was someone tall and burly standing behind me. I can’t explain it, but that is what I experienced. Perhaps if you truly go looking for the gods they will walk with you before you even know they are there.

    Long story short, prepare, and be open. You are going on this “adventure” because you care deeply. Caring is dangerous – live dangerously.

  20. Wow guys, these are amazing responses. Again, my thanks to each and every one of you. As I mentioned, it’s hard to give a detailed response to each person individually, so let me try to give a general response here.

    First off, your words mean more to me than you can imagine. Knowing I have clever, concerned people ready to speak up here is a Big Deal.

    Second, here are a few things I am doing besides martial arts:

    1. Learning Spanish. That starts in December, with a total immersion trip (via airplane) to Mexico City. Eventually I’ll learn Portugese too, but that comes later. (Sometimes I forget that not every reader has seen previous posts, so not all of you knew I’m already planning on learning Espanol.)

    2. Learning as much about each local area as possible, politically and culturally. This will help me adjust my route to minimize risk,.

    3. Shots, pills & vaccines as needed for a traveler moving through these countries.

    4. Foraging & wild edibles. I’m already pretty good at this but I’ll learn local plants carefully as I go..

    5. Being open minded & compassionate. I can’t imagine setting off for this kind of trip if my heart wasn’t ready – I mean, I guess it would be more like a military campaign. I believe that people are basically good, and I intend to treat them with respect & caring wherever I go.

    Okay, with those said, here are some replies to specific questions/ideas:

    What about guns? In a way I love that this was suggested. I’m so used to all my friends being anti-gun that it’s kind of refreshing to have a bunch of people urging me to carry one. That said I don’t plan to.

    I am actually quite comfortable with guns, and own a pistol that I’ve only ever used for target shooting. While I have nothing against guns as such, I do believe carrying one would be a big liability. Not only from a legal standpoint (though yes, that sounds like a nightmare), but also because a gun tends to escalate things. If I’m being mugged or search and my assailant sees that I’m packing, my chances of leaving intact just plummet.

    So again, while I appreciate the encouragement: I won’t carry a gun on my trip.

    What about other weapons? I think the idea of the mag light is brilliant. In addition, I’ll have:

    +My hunting knife
    +A walking stick (when not biking)
    +Pepper spray*

    *Actually, I’m debating the merits of pepper spray vs. a stun gun and am definitely open to suggestions.

    “Don’t focus so much on martial arts!” I appreciate that self-defence is not the only skill I’ll need. It’s been a major topic lately because that’s the stage of preparation I’m at right now, and because it’s been very challenging. But I hate to give the impression that’s the only prep I plan on, or that self-defence is my only concern.

    All told, I intend to survive this trip and I expect the new friendships to outweigh the close calls. Thanks again everyone for helping me make sure that’s how it happens :)

    By the way Kira, I’ll definitely read those books!

  21. Pingback: A Call to Arms for All My Rogues « Rogue Priest

  22. Have you read, “Chasing Guinness: Two accidental adventurers paddle a canoe from Canada to the mouth of the Amazon River” by Niel Armstrong and Chris Maguire As told to Allan Kimball yet?

    Or, visit the consuls of all the countries you plan to pass through, as well as your own consul, to get letters of safe passage? Or letters of reference and recommendation from employers and volunteer outfits like Kira suggested?

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