Personal Development, Social Skills, Writing

Spending Respect

There’s a subset of the population that values manners in all things. They don’t use diminutive nicknames for the politicans they hate. When they sense invective and personal attacks they shy away from it, even the causes they agree with. This type of person can be among the strongest allies you’ll ever have if you take the time to phrase what you say in a measured way. If they speak up for you and support you, it’s because they agree with you at a deep level, and their loyalty is long-lasting.

There is also a subset of people who value vim and fire and can be rallied with anger. It’s easy to enlist their aid by spreading profanities, sarcasm, personal insults, and trigger phrases. This type of person isn’t there for you, they’re there for what they get out of it. Something emotional drives their engine whether they admit it or not. They can leave you as quick as they showed up. They are as likely to create turmoil as they are to actually help you.

You choose which kind of person you attract by the way you speak your truth. This applies at all levels, from how you fight with your ex to how you organize, grow, and advance a vast movement.

It’s worth considering which kind of base you feed with your words.


8 thoughts on “Spending Respect

  1. I have, at times, found myself on both sides. Granted the evil side was generally related to me allowing myself to be overloaded by circumstances and others beyond my current capacity. But I have been described (in a kind manner) as a pit bull. Fiercely loyal to those I love or who are in need, but when mistreated I can bite back. The older I get the mellower I become, but it still lingers in that dark corner of my psyche. I am a work in progress.

    • Clair says:

      I do not believe that one of these types of people is “evil” and one is “good.” I also do not believe that it is an either/or choice. Everyone has shadow aspects to their personality. From my experience, it is through listening to and loving these aspects that balance can be found. These aspects are there for a reason and have at their core something to teach us (and so do the people who we see as anthropomorphizing them).

  2. I agree. Give respect and you attract respect. Ignore the profane! It’s not about just being “polite”, it’s about really caring about how seriously you want to be taken — if you want to debate an issue or fight for a good cause, a more professional approach will have a lasting impact. A more in-your-face, un-business-like, messy, punk attitude will get you ignored in many cases. There are times when a good protest is in order, but one based on CIVIL disobedience helps.

    While misbehaving for justice, it’s best to do so while well dressed and well spoken for the occasion.

    I know sometimes protests take drastic measures, yet I believe it should not have to get out of hand, that more people should regard each other better, have some simple human values, and actually LISTEN instead of talking at each other. If the two sides fighting/debating actually took the time to do that, more progress would take place. Don’t you agree?

    It’s not just about those who use f-bomb words, it’s also about those people who do not listen and just want their words heard, too. Always respect the other side, give them a chance to present their argument, not just wait for your turn to talk. That is one of the reasons why I hate debates. Few people really know how to debate correctly. They only know how to argue and many only want to fight just to keep on fighting.

    Someone ought to teach classes on respect. Everyone should be required to take classes on respect. It should be mandatory, like an SAT for life.

  3. And I almost forgot, speaking of the quick, over-emotional reaction, one can still be emotionally fired-up angry and what-have-you yet still be respectful. I’m a very, very, VERY emotional person who usually has the decency to walk away to cool down before I break down and say things untoward I will regret later. I learned to do that.

    Some people never learn.

    It’s not about “tone” or attitude, maybe not even just respect, but the willingness to back down and let rationality sink in.

    Okay, done writing/reacting now. Love the short post! I’m a very loyal, emotional Capricorn and this really appeals to my ideal sense of virtue and behavior, what else can I say?

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